Crown of Thorns

Chapter 1: PROLOGUE

A long long time ago in a faraway country there lived a witch. She was very evil. Just looking at the witch made from darkness was enough to send people shivering with fear. But the people in that country were very nice and kind, so they got along with her.

But the evil witch put a curse on those people. The peaceful and happy country was quickly enveloped in darkness and terrible monsters began to appear. The people fought back, but they couldn’t counter the power of a witch.

Eventually, the world became a bloodbath, and people groaned from fear and pain. The helpless king gathered the heroes of the country and ordered them to kill the witch.

“You can get rid of this misery as long as the witch dies!”

The warriors began to kill the witch. They stabbed her, burned her, put her in boiling oil, crucified her, strung her from the neck, and starved her for days, but the witch continuously survived.

They tried whatever method to kill the witch, but she was always revived and the warriors either left or died one by one over time. The witch’s curse still hasn’t been lifted and the monsters still hurt people.

The people who had been hunting the witch for such a long time belatedly realized.

“The witch is immortal!”

The wise king decided to confine the witch. He constructed a tower and meant to lock her up in there. Forever, until she dies. When the witch found out about it, she shrieked with evil laughter.

“Yes, lock me up forever! However, the curse will not be broken!”

The witch was eventually trapped in the tower, and the whole thing was surrounded by thorn vines to keep anyone from entering. The witch couldn’t escape either, but the monsters continued to appear and people kept dying as long as she lived on.

However, as the number of monsters gradually decreased, people took courage and fought against them. The country began to regain peace little by little. As time flew by, people forgot about the tower where the witch was trapped, but they still told stories about her.

“When the witch dies, the curse will be broken and no more monsters will appear.”

“If you don’t behave, I might send you to the witch. The witch is really scary and strong.”

The witch was trapped in a place that no one knew of, and she couldn’t escape until the curse was lifted, that is, until she died. Forever.

Then one day, a young warrior went to look for the witch.

“Witch! I will kill you and break the curse!”

The witch smiled at the warrior as if she were welcoming an old friend.

“Young warrior, so you have white hair. If it’s light then it can remove darkness.”

Light will set the darkness aside, and gift her with an eternal rest.

“My eternal rest has finally come to claim me.”

Said the witch to the warrior.

“Kill me.”

It’s enough now, kill me.

Chapter 2: ... Me

“What? What did you just say?”

The red eyes of the white-haired boy were shaking greatly, as if my words were surprising. The boy’s hair was blindingly reminiscent of the sunshine I had seen a long time ago. They were brilliant and shining. Enough to make my heart yearn.

Ah, I can hear the bell sound. I turned my gaze and looked at the window. It was covered with a thick black cloth, as if not even a thin ray of hope could be tolerated, but the sound could not be stopped. A faraway bell was ringing. The day has passed. I spent yet another meaningless day.

There must be a beautiful sunset outside the window right now. I can’t forget the very warm and sweet sky. The children who heard the bell sound coming home one by one, and their mothers awaiting them with crispy baked bread, lukewarm heated milk and soft mashed potatoes.

Everyone obviously has a warm and pleasant time. I can only imagine the inside of a house as warm as sunset, a child with a clear smile, and a meal made with sincerity. Maybe it’s a memory I saw a long time ago. It’s so old that it feels like a scene from a fairy tale.

“What did you say?”

My gaze, staring into the distance, turned again to the boy in front of me. It is dark and soggy around. The coldness lingers and allows me to escape from the imagination that melted my heart for a while. This was the reality. I can’t escape from reality. The sudden visitor reminded me of the scenes that I had buried deep inside my heart. No doubt because of the boy’s hair and eyes.

I implore the young warrior once again.

“I told you to kill me.”

Maybe if it’s you, you could kill me. The feeling of hope excites me. I thought I lost it a long time ago, but it must have been lurking somewhere. Like the scenes that just popped into my mind.

The boy looked quite taken aback and unsure of how to react. The sword he held tightly in his small hand, shakes. I don’t think he can hurt me at all like that. Worry enveloped me. The young warrior is too weak.

“They, they said that if the witch dies, the curse will go away! The monsters will disappear and no more people will die!”

I don’t know who he’s shouting at. It’s more like a cry for himself than for me. Some sort of spell. There’s a reason for him to kill, he’s not doing anything wrong, he’s doing something good. The little boy held himself with more confidence, his eyes sharpening.

I decided to help the boy.

“So, kill me.”

Yes, young warrior. You’re not doing wrong. Hurry to kill the cursed witch with the sword you’re holding and save the world.

But the boy doesn’t seem to like it when I tell him to kill without any resistance. His face crumpled. He chewed on his lower lip and stared at me, but his eyes seemed to be burning. He looked like the sun that reminded me of happy times, or the pile of firewood that pushed me to the edge of hell. I don’t have the confidence to face this boy for a long time.

“Hurry and kill me. With that sword you’re holding.”

“You! You! Is it that easy for you to ask me to kill you? Don’t you feel sorry for those people who didn’t want to die, or wanted to live longer? They died because of you! You are killing them! Because of you, I can never see them again… Because of you!”

As he went into a fit of heated shouting, the boy’s hair fluttered this way and that. The white hair, which is both fluffy and soft, disturbs my vision. I lowered my head because I couldn’t bear it.

“Kill me. Please kill me.”

A shrill sounded in answer to my words. It was the sound of the boy’s sword falling on the rock floor. The boy stood still for a while and then turned walking away. I don’t know how he came in, but it wouldn’t be difficult for him to get out. I couldn’t raise my head even after the boy left.

I thought I’d have some afterimage of his retreating back.

I’ve spent so much time peacefully, and now it’s all got messed up in a moment. Why are you suddenly appearing and shaking me up? Why am I reminded of all the things I had painstakingly buried deep down?

And why can’t I get my act back together?

I picked up the sword that the boy had left behind. It seemed cold, but was surprisingly warm to the touch. The warmth of the boy was quickly discernible. Because it was warmth that I haven’t felt for a long while, something rose in my chest.

I put the sword into my heart without further thinking. I always hesitated without realizing it, so I failed to put it in deep enough again this time. Still, I was bleeding and my heart was pounding. I don’t want to live, but I cry out for help.

My shivering hands gathered strength and thrust the sword deeper in. The pain has spread all over my body disabling my ability to think of anything. The hot and soggy liquid dampens my body. I fall on the floor and close my eyes quietly.

I hope I never open my eyes again.

I hope my time ends like this.

*

The inside of the tower I’m staying in was very humid, with no light seeping in. The wood table had been rotting for a long time because of the dampness and lack of sunlight. It smelled bad, but it was better than the smell from my body, so I wasn’t much bothered with it.

Ten sheets of paper, which are likely to be torn at any moment, are placed in a regular arrangement on the mostly rotten and hard to recognize table. Each of them had a unique painting and they all meant different things.

Cards were my only possession, and reading cards was the only thing I did. I couldn’t tell my own future, but I could roughly guess the outline of it. Through the future could change depending on the people I am involved with or the place I am staying at.

But there is no one related to me now. They were all gone a long time ago. I was just waiting for the divination I had before to come true.

“The bright light will give you eternal rest.”

I died, and died, but was still revived again. Even if I lost my mind in terrible pain, I ended up opening my eyes. My body was destroyed countless times, hoping for my death, but those wounds were promptly healed to look like scars from a long time ago. The signs of death remain intact on my body, so why does the God of death refuse to take me away?

My mind has not allowed me to go crazy to match my broken body. I had to feel the time passing day by day with a sound mind, and even if I wanted to shake off the memories of the past, they didn’t become blurred as if they were imprinted inside my mind.

Every time I closed my eyes, I remembered. The sound of a happy laugh, the clear sky, the dazzling bright sun.

“What are you doing?”

I opened my eyes to the sudden voice. As I turned my head, I saw the young warrior I had met before, leaning against the wall and staring at me. Human time flowed so fast that it didn’t seem to be that long for me, but he looked more mature than before.

How many times have I heard the bell? I thought to myself, looking at the boy whose height and hair grew a little longer, but soon gave up. Because the same time had always passed, there was nothing more ephemeral than counting the number of days.

As I sat still without answering, the boy came up to me and asked, looking down at the table.

“What is this?”

I was briefly enchanted by the white scene unfolding before my eyes. I remembered a pair of eyes I had seen ages ago. They were cold and mesmerizing. When I tried to catch the vision, it quickly melted away. The boy in front of me also seemed to be about to disappear. He was all white and transparent. Hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, and skin. Just everything.

Is it a fantasy that I created?

Am I finally starting to go crazy? It was strange that I had lived like this for an immeasurable amount of time, but I still had my sanity intact. The boy was so clean and looked like an angel descending to punish me for being ugly and dirty.

“Why aren’t you answering?”

The moment the boy turned his eyes to me, I had to turn my head hurriedly. The boy’s sun-like eyes reminded me of countless memories and the multiple emotions I felt at the time were woven together, so I was not confident enough to face them. My heart was shaken.

“I was reading tarot.”

I wanted to distract the boy. So I lifted the cards and put them in front of his face. It was hard to recognize what was on them because they were shabby and worn out, so he took the cards to examine carefully.

But he soon returned them as if he had lost interest and asked me.

“Can you see the future with this?”

The boy’s eyes, like a sun, like a red moon, like a fire swallowing a dry pile of wood, those fiery, blood-stained eyes fixed me, and I instinctively turned my head and replied, not wanting to see myself reflected in them.

“If it were your future.”

The boy must have been quite curious, so he tilted his head and asked, trying to make eye contact with me.

“My future? How is it?”

I answered.

“You die.”

The boy stayed silent for a while, then smiled and said,

“People are all going to die. It’s so obvious.”

Is it too obvious? Am I not a human being because I can’t do this obvious thing? I’m already way beyond the human category.

I answered as I arranged the cards.

“You’ll die because of me.”

As if shocked by my remark, he stiffened. I continued to speak, resting my gaze on the boy’s white hair.

“So go hide and don’t come out. Don’t even come near here if you don’t intend to kill me.”

“Lies. You’re lying like that to scare me, aren’t you?”

“It’s true. You die because of me.”

So run away. The boy turned around and walked away, perhaps understanding my unspoken words. Like the day we first met. I looked down at the cards I was holding. The card that meant death was sitting on top.

If that boy kills me, will the future change?

Changing the present changes the future. My gaze touched the sword, which he had randomly dumped out on the floor. The sword and its surroundings were stained with dark blood. If the light the divination meant was that boy, he had to drive out the darkness. That way I could find eternal rest and the boy could see a bright future.

The young warrior had to kill the witch.

Chapter 3: Burning

Firewood was greased and soon the fire lit up. The flames grew bigger and bigger, devouring firewood, and quickly came up to my feet, grating my toes. I struggled, unable to stand the heat, but to no avail. I was tied up so tightly, leaving no hope for escape.

I watched the approaching flame, swallowing audibly, and then my eyes darted to the spectators full of anticipation. They were cheering. Their bright looks revealed their wishes for my death, that they wanted it to be as painful as possible. I looked up at the sky. The sight of the sun, bigger and brighter than the flames beneath my feet greeted me.

Won’t you just take me already?

I closed my eyes at the pain burning through my legs. Pain that I could not endure no matter how hard I tried gradually soared up though my body. I could feel blood in my mouth.

Just why?

When I opened my eyes, a terrible darkness assailed me. I felt as if I were trapped inside a black monster’s mouth, or falling into an endless swamp. It was the same sight I had always seen, and the one I was always going to see. I got used to it a long time ago, but I felt a sense of alienation now.

I was well aware of the reason. Seeing the boy’s white hair and sun-like eyes, I thought of things other than darkness. Memories that had been buried deep down resurfaced to haunt me, and my eyes, having seen light for a moment, refused to get back to darkness.

I lay still for a long time in order to get used to the darkness. Killing my heart and thoughts like a corpse. I fell asleep as I was, woke up again, looked at the darkness, and seemed to have heard quite a few bells. Though, I probably missed many of those.

“Are you dead?”

My closed eyes opened and registered the image of the boy crouching in front of me. Why does he keep coming? I glanced at his hands, but he didn’t seem to be holding anything. No, the boy who had left his sword behind the last time couldn’t have come back to kill me.

As I lay still, he either lost interest in hearing my answer or got interested in the insides of the tower, the boy walked around to inspect the surroundings. But there was nothing to see. Most of the items were rotting into oblivion, and the rest of them had a repulsive smell, making it difficult to get close to them.

Come to think of it, I had the worst stench. I remembered people throwing stones at me, saying that I smelled. The stones hurt me and the blood from the wounds clotted thickly. After a long time, the collected blood rotted and reeked. Gradually it became nasty.

But that boy was a little strange.

“Are you always doing that?”

The boy who was snooping around came up again and asked me a question. I replied to the boy, trying my best not to make eye contact.

“Yes.”

“You look dead.”

“Wasn’t that what you wanted?”

It was a tower built to kill the witch. It was them who locked me up in here. Until death, or maybe even after death, I can never get out of here.

I died a long time ago. My body and mind were killed so many times. An immortal life did not give me eternal rest, but still, I was as good as dead right now.

*

Since then, the boy has come to visit whenever he could.

Every time he came here, he brought a handful of food. He put it on the rotten table and went back every time, but I just let it be. I didn’t eat it and I didn’t watch him when he came. I feared the visions that would bubble up upon seeing his face. Visions such as people sitting around a table and merrily chatting over a meal.

It’s about time to forget these visions. I can’t meet the people in them. I can’t watch them again. I’d rather forget them altogether. They persistently pop up and bother me. At one time they were memories and it was good to see them again, but not now. What’s the point of yearning for them when I can’t go back to those times?

“You didn’t eat again? The food’s gone bad!”

The boy was angry that the food remained the same for days. He yelled at me for not eating it.

“Just in case I could die of hunger.”

I will never eat. I realized a long time ago that even if I starve, I wouldn’t die, but I didn’t have to eat either. The boy seemed to have forgotten. The fact that I’m a witch trapped in a tower. A witch trapped forever, hoping to die.

“Do as you please.”

The boy turned away in a fit of anger and hasn’t come back for a while. He should never have come in the first place. If the boy was the light the divination meant, he had to grow up a little more, and then come to me after he was ready to kill me without hesitation.

I’ve never seen such a young warrior before.

But the boy reappeared. This time, He started bringing things other than food. In the meantime, he matured a little more. He grew taller and his white hair was longer.

I’m always the same, so I don’t feel the flow of time, but human life is so short and ends so fast. It was not good for me to witness, when I had to forget the passage of time as much as possible because I’ll have to get accustomed to being stuck alone in a sterile point in time all over again.

“It’s really dirty. Look at the spider webs.”

The boy moved busily. He seemed to be trying to clean up. Or remove the spider webs with a long stick and sweep the blood on the floor.

“What the hell is this?”

The boy exclaimed while throwing out the bloody water. He looked curious about what the smelly blackish thing was. I was going to tell him it was blood, but I held my tongue because I didn’t want him to question me further about the source of the blood.

I just lay there and watching the boy poking around. At first, I thought it was only inside my head because I’d lost it. Finally gone crazy from existing for so long. I was hallucinating about an angel boy who descended to save me from the darkness.

Otherwise, he can’t keep showing up. It doesn’t make sense for a young warrior to keep going in and out of the witch’s tower, and if that wasn’t enough, he was also cleaning the tower.

Soon the boy tried to draw the curtains because it was too dark to see properly. I approached him and grabbed his hand. A ray of light leaked through the curtains and shone at me for a moment.

My heart was pounding because I saw the light that existed only in my memories again. My insides burned.

The boy asked me with surprised eyes.

“Why, what’s wrong? No, before that, when did you get here? It was so fast that I didn’t see it.”

“Don’t touch the curtain.”

“It’s very bright and warm outside. It will brighten the dark and damp tower.”

I knew that too. So was the outside world in my memories. The sun always builds life and makes us feel hopeful. It shouldn’t make me feel dead or that I have to be dead. I must not remember what it was like to feel alive.

Greed is endless, so once I got something, I’ll end up wanting something else. I could only bear it if I lived with nothing like I was dead.

The witch must live in the dark tower with darkness as her sole friend.

Chapter 4: You’re a witch

The boy did not come often. So I could notice the little changes in his growth every time he came. I felt stuffy because he seemed to be informing me of the time. “The world is going as well as ever except for you,” he seemed to say, “you will suffer in a time that will never move forward.”

The boy brought something with him every time he came. Things like books that could kill time. But the time they made me forget was so insignificant that they were of little use. I just kept them all in one place and tried to ignore them.

As I sat still leaning against the wall, the boy also sat beside me and looked at the darkness.

“Is this fun? Don’t you get sick of it?”

Whatever I did, it was the same in the end. There was no way to spend infinite time. There couldn’t be a way to kill eternal time. I just wanted to forget it all. How long it’s been and how much more I have to spend.

But I couldn’t forget time because of the boy. I saw traces of it in the boy’s appearance, and I could feel each passing day as I fell into a routine when I was with him, and when he didn’t come, time seemed to go slower.

The boy hugged his knees close and reclined his head on his arms, looking at me fixedly. I don’t know what he wants from me. Perhaps he was my new tormentor. Because nothing is more painful than feeling the passage of time for me.

“You’re a witch. Don’t you think escaping a tower like this one would be a piece of cake for you?”

I didn’t get away. There was no point leaving if I were going to be alone anyway. It was better to wait alone for my time in here.

But the boy was ruining it.

I stared into the darkness without answering. This young warrior can’t understand a witch.

“What’s your name?”

“Witch.”

I was a witch. My name has long since been forgotten. The person who called it was not around. The world called me a witch and I also thought I was a witch. The witch did not need a name.

The boy said in reply to my answer.

“I don’t have a name, either.”

Burying his face between his knees, he continued.

“Is it still a name if nobody calls it? No. The day my brother died, my name died with him.”

It was a funny thing. A witch and a warrior without names. I said, ducking my head away from the shiny white hair on the side.

“He must’ve died because of me.”

At my words the boy raised his head.

The first day he came, he pointed a sword at me and said that people are dying because of me. They don’t want to die. It’s not time for them die yet, but they’re dying anyway. Because of me.

The boy had come to kill me after losing someone who was close to him. Because I killed that someone. Because I’m a witch.

It’s only a matter of time before the weak young warrior points his sword to me gain.

*

Time dragged on.

I was in the process of trying to kill my mind because I couldn’t kill my body, but after meeting the boy, my efforts were ruined. The passage of time felt slower as emotions revived. Until when do I have live like this?

I would rather spend time sleeping forever, but there was a limit to that. I took out the boy’s sword. I knew far too well that I could not be killed no matter what method I used.

It was time to give it up because it was tiring, but my body was lifting the sword.

I wanted to end it now.

This sword will also rust over time and I will have no more tools to attempt with again. An eternity has passed and everything except me was ending. Eventually, I’m the only one left.

I stretched out my arms with the sword clutched firmly in my hand. This time, I wanted to succeed with one go. Unlike other things, I could never get used to pain no matter how much I suffered through it. So I closed my eyes tightly and stabbed as hard as I could. But right away someone caught me. When I opened my eyes, I saw something white and got confused.

“You, are you crazy?”

The red eyes were shaking violently. Snapping back to my senses, I hastily retreated. I didn’t like it. The feeling of being trapped in the burning flames. Of the bright sun shining down on me.

“Just kill me right now.”

“What?”

I handed the sword to the boy.

“Kill me with this.”

“You, now. What are you talking about when I just saved your life?”

The boy asked back angrily, glaring at me sharply. I didn’t raise my head because I didn’t want to face that gaze. So I just opened my mouth again and answered.

“Why save me? I’m a witch who has to die.”

“Witch, is that right?”

I couldn’t breathe when asked by the boy, who came closer and whispered. His gaze was burning all over me. My eyes must have been shaking. My heart was falling apart.

Am I a witch? Are you asking whether I’m really a witch?

I was always branded as a witch first without anyone listening to my story. “It was because you cursed the world, and only when you die will it return to its original state,” they said. I screamed at the terrible pain, and cried, “Don’t do that,” but they only laughed at my reaction.

A witch? Actually, it didn’t matter to them whether I was a witch or not. They just needed someone to vent their anger on. They needed someone to ease their fear of the unknown and their frustration with unresolved mystery.

At first, I was angry at such people, but not anymore. Because I am a witch.

“That’s right, I am.”

I managed to get my feelings together and then answered. The darkness that covered the world was my mother’s fault. I was also guilty of carrying her blood. Maybe the reason why the monster still didn’t disappear is because I’m alive.

Perhaps the reason why cannot be killed is because I am given the lives of those who died because of me. Because I’m a witch.

Only when I die will the darkness be lifted.

The boy sighed faintly at my words and replied, playing with the sword he was holding.

“You killed yourself every day like this?”

The boy’s eyes darted to the soggy puddle on the floor. The boy cleaned up but still couldn’t get rid of it all. It was rotting black and smelly. It wasn’t just the floor. My whole body was covered with rotten blood as well as my clothes. There couldn’t be a place to wash here.

“Doesn’t it hurt?”

The boy asked, reaching out his hand to my neck. I backed out hurriedly but he patted my neck without me realizing, touching my horrifying wounds. Some of these were inflicted by me and others by people.

It’s funny. This situation. The boy has to kill me, but why is he looking at me with compassion?

“You have to kill me to…”

“I know, I know. Stop talking.”

While saying so, the boy took the sword I was holding. He seemed to have no intention of leaving it behind this time. I had to bite down on my lips hard because of the emotions I had thrown away long ago have resurfaced. Why the hell does this boy shake me up?

“You know very well that I’m killing people.”

“Everyone dies.”

This sentence has a weird comforting effect on me, is it because no one has ever told me that before?

“Remember when you angrily shouted that there were people who didn’t want to die, or wanted to live longer but were killed because of me.”

“They can’t live forever anyway so just think that it was time for them to die.”

“But because of me…”

“Stop it.”

He cut me off sharply and I bit down on my tongue.

“It’s okay, you can stop now.”

My heart lightened a little at the boy’s words which were like balm to my wounds. But knowing that human life is fleetingly short and that mine is endless, I forced myself to dismiss the ray of light that sprawled into my mind.

If you want to save me, then stab that sword into my heart.

Chapter 5: Maybe even I am an illusion

I haven’t seen the boy for a while afterwards. In the meantime, I kept having nightmares. Rather than nightmares, they were actually ancient memories I kept reliving.

But after a long time, I couldn’t tell if they were really memories or just my imagination. It occurred to me that maybe even the boy was part of the imagination I had created, that’s why he didn’t show up.

Is this reality that I’m living now? Maybe even I am an illusion.

I stroked at the scars left on my body. I couldn’t remember clearly when I got them and what they originally looked like. Over the years, too many people have come for me and I have suffered too much. I might already be dead and stuck in a dream I’m never waking up from.

When I opened my eyes, I could only see the dark. I started having too many thoughts after I met the boy. I tried to kill time as I always did, but it wasn’t easy. The white afterimage bothered me. That beautiful and cold as snow whiteness crept into my mind and rejected the darkness.

It must be snowing somewhere.

Suddenly, I thought I wanted to see the snow. And then what? After relieving one’s thirst, there was only a greater desire. It was better to get used to longing and forget about it.

I hugged my knees and buried my face between them. Boy, why did you come to me and make me so distressed? It was better to be forgotten by people. It was better to wait for the day when no one was looking for me.

After meeting the boy, the emotions that I had forgotten came to mind again and made me impatient. The day we first met, I’d have preferred it if he had put a sword in me. I wish he’d stabbed me in the heart and froze it. Then it wouldn’t have been this painful.

You won’t even last forever. You’re going to die in the end.

“Asleep?”

I opened my eyes to a faint voice. I thought it was a hallucination, but I raised myself when I saw the white hair of a boy sitting in front of me. The boy continued his speech in a quiet voice instead of staring at me.

“Don’t you feel wronged?”

I can’t understand what he means.

“Isn’t it unfair for you to be called a witch and to be blamed?”

He stared at me, waiting for my answer. I kept my mouth shut looking at the darkness that was still filling my tower, and thought that if I didn’t give him an answer, he’d stay like this, so I finally replied.

“I have nothing to feel wronged about to tell the truth.”

“But it’s not true.”

Do you doubt the world? Are you saying that the world is wrong? It’s a useless thing to do.

“I know. The fact that it’s not your fault, but you have to deal with the consequences. And the fact that were so repeatedly accused that you started doubting your innocence. In the end, even you don’t believe in yourself.”

The boy muttered to himself as if he wasn’t expecting an answer. His voice was so lonely and sad. I looked at the boy’s weakly outstretched arm. It wasn’t this long the first time he came. And it wasn’t this sturdy.

While I was dreaming, the boy grew up while swallowing time. I always stayed in the past, and the boy faced the future. And I had only bore traces of scar, but the boy wore wounds.

“You don’t think I’m a witch?”

The boy, who had not answered my words for a while, opened his mouth.

“I don’t know that. But I know this. I used to think killing you would end everything, but it wouldn’t. Killing you won’t change anything. Nothing changes when you die. If this is really a curse, then you’re also a victim of it.”

Victim of the curse, you say. I can’t read the boy’s mind at all. The boy murmured helplessly in a smaller voice.

“And so am I.”

I closed my eyes. It seems that the young warrior will not be able to kill the witch even if he grows older. The light that would save the world, save me, was swallowing itself.

The reality was very different from fairy tales.

*

The boy brought something with him. H kept moving around with a great deal of grunting and groaning. The thing that he had been moving back and forth for a while was none other than water. There was a long water barrel, and there was also a large one that, funnily enough, seemed to fit my size perfectly.

The boy handed me a dry cloth.

“You must have felt uncomfortable because you haven’t been able to wash for a long time, but wash as much as you want.”

He didn’t show it, but my dirt seemed to bother him. The boy left soon but I sat still. My eyes were on the barrels that lay in the dark. It was strange to think that the small tower, the place where everything was rotting and dying, contained water that made life possible.

The boy did. He has sun-like eyes and snow-white hair, and he is living a short life. And he kept telling me that he was alive and connecting with the world. The boy radiated the smell of earth, the warmth of the sun, and the freshness of the wind.

I heard a laugh from somewhere. I was conjuring memories up again. The world was so beautiful before the darkness took over. And I was happy. I didn’t want to go back to that time. There was nothing I could do back there. The future hasn’t changed. I’ll have no choice but to spend a long time again.

The water did rot. Unlike other things, it didn’t die and only embraced new lives. It was hard to notice because it was infinitely small, but a small seed was growing inside the barrel. It grew gradually, taking root. But it was clear that this plant was also going to die because there was not much water left. In the meantime, the boy did not come to visit.

The boy didn’t come often from the start. Still, it’s been quite a while since his last visit. He grew and changed every time he came. And every time he came, I lost hope for my prophesied light.

I flipped the card over. It was still saying that light appears and drives away the darkness. It was no longer possible to know what the divination meant. Because the boy was gradually becoming like the dark. The young warrior was losing his strength in sympathy with the witch.

“What? Does it still say I’m going to die?”

The hand that grabbed the card was all scarred. The wounds seemed to have healed and left only traces. His long-grown hair was tied together and he spoke with a lower voice than before. The boy turned into a young man while the stagnant water was gradually fading in favor of new life.

“Yes.”

“Are you still looking at my divination? Why?”

“To see my divination.”

He kept asking, not understanding what I was saying, but I ignored it. I got up after organizing the rest of the cards. The boy who has become a young man has surpassed my height. And his personality has also changed a lot.

“Why didn’t you wash up? Are my words a joke to you?”

“Why should I listen to you?”

“When someone shows you goodwill, shouldn’t you at least accept it?”

Why would I do that? For whom? I tried to take his hand off my arm, but he held it tightly and wouldn’t let it go. He pulled hard and made me face him. The young man’s once neatly bound hair fluttered about.

I knew a man with hair similar in color to the young man’s. I thought it was beautiful to the point of enchantment at the time, but not now. The young man’s hair scratched my mind like a sharp dagger. As time went by, the hair that grew longer gradually became sharp and stabbed me.

“It’s been a long time, aren’t you happy to see me?”

The young man still didn’t understand me. The more I see him, the more I suffer.

“Were you always this small? And were you always this thin? You didn’t keep killing yourself while I was gone, did you?”

The young man was unaware of his growth. He didn’t know about the relationship between me and my frozen time.

“Didn’t you miss me?”

Is he trying to teach me how to wait? Was it not enough to unfailingly inform me of the passing time? Is he trying to remind me of the past, make me aware of the present, and even make me wait for the future?

You are the cruelest man I have ever met.

“I missed you. I thought I was going crazy because I wanted to come see you sooner.”

You hurt me so much.

Chapter 6: Please come back

The young man grumbled for a long time and was surprised to see the plant growing up in the water.

“Did you plant this?”

“No.”

“Then it must have come along. It’s a waste to throw it away after it’s grown this big, so we’ll have to raise it.”

Then he proceeded to bring new water. I was in a strange mood when I saw the plant in the corner of the tower. It didn’t really suit the place to have a creature trying to live in a place where everything else is dying. Despite the lack of light and water, it struggled to grow up. It produced leaves and stretched the stem even though it looked so weak and about to fall any moment.

“Make sure to wash this time.”

The young man brought in a little more water. It seems that he also wanted me to take care of the plant.

I decided not to refuse this time. After the young man left, I poured water into the large barrel. Then I wiped off the sticky stuff. My hair that had hardened gradually began to flow down, and my dark body gradually whitened.

I threw away the dirty water and poured more. I didn’t know he brought so much water. It was enough for me to wash at least three times. I immersed myself in the full barrel. It’s been a long time.

Plenty of thoughts came to mind when I was immersed in the water.

It was so clean that it reminded me of the blue sea that I could see inside, the transparent water that flows in the valley, the warm bath before going to bed, the hot springs that were pushing up through the white snow, and even the water that was contained in cups.

Countless memories, the longing, bothered me, but I let it go.

I was happy.

I had no doubt that the happy times would last forever.

I couldn’t see my caring father often but I still had my mother who gave me a tarot card and looked at me lovingly every time we were together. I was very young at that time and couldn’t remember many things, but we had a great time traveling together and eating delicious food. There were only good people around me. I couldn’t get rid of my laughter because I was surrounded with so much love.

Until the day darkness swallowed the world.

Memories after being driven into a witch came to mind. I was also reminded of one time when a huge stone had been tied to my feet and I was abandoned in the bottom of the river, struggling in the water and forced to drink it over and over again whenever I opened my mouth for a breath.

When I looked down at myself, I was covered with terrible wounds; burning marks, small pins from being trapped in a nail box, and mutilated wounds with swords. Countless scenes haunted me. The phantom pain from each of them made me shudder. This is why I tried to bury everything deep down.

I sank into the water. For it all to get quiet. To break away from my thoughts.

The water brought by the young man turned blood-red when I washed my clothes in it roughly. The old rotting stench reeked badly. But I felt a little clean and refreshed. After throwing out the water, I sat back against the wall.

That’s how I began to wait. For the young man to come.

Please come back.

It took him long to appear again this time. The young man who came back was still white and red. His young face remained intact, but it was different from before. While he was growing up like this, I remained the same. But that time felt horribly long.

The young man said with a look of surprise at the sight of my clean self.

“You finally accepted what I gave you.”

It was emaciated compared to before. There was a shadow on his ever-bright face. I was also distressed. I had a hard time waiting for the young man to come back. How can you tell a witch who forgot the time to wait?

The short time I spent after meeting the boy felt slower and more boring than the long time I had spent before meeting the boy. Because he made me feel the flow of time. It was all because he woke my previously dead self up.

I’m tired. I want to stop now.

I approached the young man and pulled his sword out.

“What are you doing?”

“It’s enough now, please kill me.”

Like an angel, he was fit to kill a witch. The young warrior had grown up and had to drive out the darkness. He had to give me eternal rest.

“What are you talking about all of a sudden?”

“You had come to kill me.”

“No. I can’t kill you.”

He told me with a puzzled look on his face. I approached him and gave him his sword.

Kill me, please. Let’s get it over with.

I held the young man’s hand in silence and put it right on my heart. It happened in a flash. There was not a moment of hesitation. A faint groan came out of his tightly packed teeth. His large red eyes contained the image of a terrible witch. It seemed like he was either being burned at the stake, or howled in the depths of hell.

“Hey… hey! Hey!”

My arm, which was holding the young man’s hand, began to lose strength and sat on the floor. The urgent call of the young man was heard, but was gradually getting distant.

If you were the light to drive out the darkness, I wouldn’t have to open my eyes anymore.

I hope my time ends like this.

*

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was darkness. A shuddering darkness that swallowed the world, swallowed the people I loved, and soon swallowed me. I was cursed and it was no use trying to escape the darkness.

I had to spend endless time alone in the dark until the light came and drove me away. The loved ones left a long time ago, and the people I had been associated with always left before me, and the world, tired of war and the invading monsters, turned its arrows on me.

Because I was a witch.

The pain was terrible, but what made it even harder for me was the fact that I was always left alone. The warriors who came to kill me died before I did. How long should I suffer this pain?

“Are, are you up? Are you all right?”

I was still blinking, and I heard an urgent voice. And soon, light was blurring my vision. The white hair and red eyes were like the sun rising in the dark. The young man’s eyes seemed to be shaking, but eventually he shed tears. He almost sobbed as if it was difficult to control his pent-up emotions.

“I thought you were going to die. I was afraid you’d die. I thought you were going to die because of me, and I thought I killed you.”

The young man’s tears fell on my face. They felt lukewarm to the touch, but soon they got cold. My face got wet and I had the illusion that I was crying. When was the last time I cried? I can’t even remember.

Oh, I thought this young man was the light that was going to drive out the darkness. Even though he was gradually losing his light, I still thought that he could kill me.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t it. Because I’m alive again now. I searched my memory to see if I had stopped before I stabbed my heart by mistake or hesitation, but the feeling of the sword that was digging through my chest came to me vividly. I’ve done it once or twice, and I couldn’t have made a mistake.

I certainly put the sword in my heart and it was the hand of a young man that held it, though he didn’t mean it. If this young man is not the light, who will kill me? I looked at the young man crying sadly. He was much bigger than when I first saw him, but he was still young. No, he looked young. His crying face was that of a boy without a soul.

I was about to apologize, but I closed my mouth. I was sorry to have made a weak and kind young man do this, but unlike the young man who lived a short life, I had yet another eternity to spend. It was resentful and hopeless to make me think of hope or light.

It wasn’t enough for him to shake me up, he also failed to save me. I thought that he could kill me, that he could finally bring my time to an end, but he only made me feel the flow of time even more. This rapidly growing young man was sure to die earlier than I did. I wanted to stop seeing his face with all it represented now.

“Go back.”

“What?”

“Don’t come to me again.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

The young man asked back with a look of embarrassment. His face was drenched with tears. It’s strange to see him cry for fear of my death. Emotion surged through me in one wave. This is why I don’t like this young man. He’s going to die anyway. He’s going to leave me again. Why is he shaking me up?

“I don’t need you anymore.”

Waiting only for the warrior that will surely kill the witch, I said in a cold voice.

“I couldn’t change the present, so the future won’t change either. You die because of me. I kill you.”

So don’t come out from hiding. Never show up in front of me again. Live a happy life in a safe place in your own way. Don’t look for the forgotten witch.

Chapter 7: The boy has become a young man

Ten frail sheets of paper were lined up on the table. But, the dust that had been piled up on them was gone because the boy cleaned it off. There were no spider webs hanging under the table either; the boy cleaned those up too.

The boy has become a young man, and has not visited me since the day I found out that he was not the warrior who could kill me. Quite a lot of time has passed. It was just horrible for me to think that I still had more time to pass this way.

When I turned a card over, the picture of death was revealed. The future was not going to change either because we couldn’t change the present. I know the future but I couldn’t change it. The young man had no choice but to change it himself.

I didn’t know when my future was coming. When will the light that will give me eternal rest come? How long do I have to wait like this? How long do I have to repeat this terrible time?

After organizing the cards, I sat against the wall. It was all right to go back to the way it was. I had to be so dead, forgetting the time, thinking nothing like before I met the boy.

I lie on the floor and permeate into the endless darkness.

*

“Why do you keep pushing me away?”

The warmth I felt on my cheeks woke me up with a jolt. The young man’s white face was too close. I was so surprised that I tried to escape, but there was a wall behind my back that I couldn’t move. Hot breaths dispersed through the young man’s lips filled with the smell of alcohol.

“Why… why do you keep trying to die?”

Why won’t you let me die when I’m not even alive? And in fact, the young man’s words weren’t completely sensible because even if I tried to die, I couldn’t, so he didn’t even have to worry about my dying.

I turned my head away from the young man’s red eyes. His hand swept down my hair. My flesh shriveled with goose bumps. But the hair he was fumbling with came down to cover my face and neck so I had no choice but to remove his hand.

“What are you doing?”

“I didn’t know you were this young. I was scared at first, and then I couldn’t recognize it because you were covered in black things. But now I see you’re younger than me.”

“You must have forgotten that I am a witch.”

This young man seemed to forget that I was a witch, though he had been doing that for a while. My time stopped when darkness swallowed the world, just when I was about to become an adult. But the days of my life were immeasurable.

I was alive before this young man was born, even before his parents were born, and was going to live even after the young man died.

When I first met him, he was a young boy, but now he is a decent young man, and soon he will grow old alone and become dirt. Unlike me.

“Yes, witch. This is the tower where the witch is locked up.”

The young man gave a self-deprecating smile. At first, this young man had come to kill me, a witch. However, starting from a certain point, he tried to save me, and now he tells her not to die. It was beyond my comprehension.

The young man, who was once a warrior, was trying to save the witch the world was trying to kill.

“But you’re really pitiful and affectionate.”

A young man who was once a warrior was now sympathetic to the witch. I didn’t know whether to be happy or sad. So far no one has sympathized with me. They never tried to find the reason for living an eternal life, nor did they ever stop coming up with more ways to kill me. They just branded me as a witch who laid a curse on the world.

“And beautiful.”

The young man was even saying the witch was beautiful. Seeing my skin badly distorted by wounds, my hair and eyes resembling the darkness that drove the world into pain.

The eyes of an angelic young man seemed to see the world differently. As a witch, I can’t even imagine how it looked through his eyes. My appearance was so disgusting that I was better off covering my whole body with rotten blood, which smelled bad. I couldn’t find my former self.

“Look at me.”

The young man forced me to turn my head, but I was not confident enough to see myself reflected in his eyes, so I held my head down stubbornly. But I was soon confused by what I heard next.

“I love you.”

It threw me off guard. The young man smiled at my visible surprise. Whenever his body shook, his white hair also disturbed my vision. I had to doubt my ears. Maybe my ears were broken.

No, maybe this young man in front of me was a figment of my imagination. There was no other explanation for what I heard just now. It must have been a series of lucid dreams since the first time he aimed his sword at me. At some point, I created the angel that I desperately wanted.

“You didn’t know? Really?”

What? That you’re from my imagination? Are you asking whether I had believed you were real this whole time? Are you laughing at me for being crushed by a mere phantom?

“I’ve never forgotten you since the first time I first saw it. I tried to disregard it, but it was hard. I kept thinking about you without realizing it, and eventually I came. The more I met you, the more I tried to ignore you, the better I liked you. To the point of madness.”

I couldn’t get myself together. The hand of the young man which was sweeping my hair grabbed me by the back of my neck and pulled me hard and led me right in front of his face. His breath felt hotter. I lowered my gaze and tried not to look into his eyes.

This is my fantasy. I ended up going crazy. I spent a long time alone, and I couldn’t stand it, so I created a fantasy. If I don’t get back to reality now, I’ll suffer forever.

But the moment the young man buried his face in my shoulder, I couldn’t fool myself anymore. He was hot and solid. This young man was alive and breathing.

It wasn’t my imagination.

“I understand you. I want to be with you. Don’t push me away.”

My body trembled at the young man’s whispers. Understand me? You? Is the young man who was once a warrior saying he understands the witch? Has the man who came to kill me, come to love me instead? A witch who is terrible, ugly, dirty, and makes the world groan in pain?

Is this another curse given to me?

“You…”

“Huh?”

“You understand me?”

I pushed the young man hard. As the warmth went away, I felt momentarily cold. It was always like this, though I never thought it was cold, but now I did. It was because of the young man in front of me. He shook everything I was used to.

I tore off the clothes covering my neck. The cool air caressed my neck following the ripping sound. The young man, who showed signs of embarrassment for a moment, soon opened his eyes wide. Then he reached out his hand.

“The wounds…”

He looked shocked when he saw the wounds on my body that had previously been covered by my hair and clothes. The wounds always healed by themselves, leaving only traces, but new wounds kept adding up to old ones to create terrible shapes. My face hidden in the darkness was similar. It was just less than the rest of my body.

“This is what humans did.”

The young man, reaching out to my neck, hesitated. His hands got suspended in the air.

“You’re human, too.”

Eventually, he withdrew his hand. The young man’s lips opened for a while as if he had something to say, but then they closed up. I spoke without taking my eyes off his lips.

“When I see you, I think of the events of those days. The sight of your eyes reminds me of the pain of burning.”

I remembered the faces of men who caused me pain and the days when I cried endlessly. It shook me, who was as dead as I could possibly be in the dark; to bring all that had sunk deep into my memory to the surface.

The hair reminiscent of snow, the eyes reminiscent of the sun, and the face of a young man like sunshine reminded me of happy days. It troubled me by reminding me of the happiness that I could never go back to, and that I could never have again no matter how I desperately wished to.

The young man covered his face with his hands. I didn’t know whether it was to stop me from seeing him, or to stop him from seeing me.

“And you will die earlier than I will. I will have to spend a long time alone again. You remind me of all my memories and emotions, and you slow down my endless time, and, most of all, you leave. With only satisfied. You don’t think about me who’ll be left behind. Is that what you call understanding me?”

The young man still didn’t understand me. No, it was better to say that he didn’t even mean to understand me. He only thought from his point of view, he never considered my excruciating situation. That’s why he kept coming and shaking me.

“If you understand me, don’t come back again. Don’t show up in front of me. It’s better for me to wait like the dead as I always have until the warrior who’s going to kill me appears.”

I couldn’t stand being alive.

“…I’m sorry.”

The young man eventually left and I was left alone in the dark.

Chapter 8: It’s been quite a while

It’s been quite a while since then.

I came to count the bells ringing at the time every day. And I got lost in many dreams. I kept thinking of scenes that I couldn’t tell whether they were from memory or imagination, and now I hummed songs that I couldn’t even remember their lyrics.

It was unclear what the young man wanted, but if it was to make the witch even more unhappy then he has done so successfully. The countless hours I spent trying to make myself forget the time have all gone to waste. Just like when I first got trapped in the tower, I felt every passing of each minute and they dragged on and on.

I couldn’t tell exactly how much time had passed because I a few bells, and I had to start counting them from zero again because I often forgot what number I was at. In fact, it was a very insignificant amount of time for me, that keeping track of it felt as useless as counting sand on a beach.

And yet, the reason I tried to count the bells was because I wanted to imagine the young man’s time.

I counted each day because I wanted to know how he would have changed, what he would look like now, and how he would change in the future. The young man was certainly crueler than any warrior I had ever met. He made me repeat the terrible punishment I had received for being a witch that I tried to ignore.

No, maybe the sky that sent such a warrior to a witch is the cruelest.

“Witch.”

“Why are you being like that?”

“Isn’t it unfair?”

“You’re affectionate and…”

“…I love you.”

Whether this echo was a dream or an auditory hallucination, I did not know, but it bothered me, and I curled up because of the afterimage that haunts me both when my eyes are closed and open. It’s no use burying my face or covering my ears with my hands and putting my knees up. The young warrior who came to the lonely me has been an unbearable punishment which was strangling me.

Many things that had been dead in me began to shake and wake up because of the young man who saw a woman in my inhuman self who had given up on being human.

When will they sink again? Since the day I was trapped in the tower, I haven’t been able to kill myself for a long time, but I’m already overwhelmed by the fact that I have to repeat that time again. I couldn’t breathe because I was frustrated. Still, I don’t die. When will this curse be lifted?

“Witch.”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you, I said.”

“I miss you so much.”

I had barely fallen asleep when I suddenly opened my eyes thinking that I heard the voice of the young man. But there was nothing around me. There was nothing but darkness, as always. But it felt different from usual. Something was more shady and cold. My fingertips trembled with anxiety.

I got up and approached the wooden table. I could see the cards neatly placed on it. Since the young man’s departure, I have been trying not to even look at them, so a pile of white dust gathered on them before I knew it. I lifted them in a hurry, and they scattered around.

I pulled out a card, and then turned it over. For a moment I forgot to breathe. Again. Mix, then flip. Again. Again. And again. But no matter how many times I repeated this useless action, it was the same card.

My trembling hand eventually dropped the card. The cards on the floor came into view through the white dust they left in the air around. I couldn’t take my eyes off them for a while and then turned around. I knew I’d regret it, but I couldn’t stop walking even though I knew it was irreversible.

The upside-down cards, whether by accident or fate, were blank. Nothing was drawn. There was no future.

*

The smell of blood stung my nose. It’s been a while since I last saw the moonlight or felt the night breeze, but I didn’t even have time to care. My eyes were fixed on the man sitting in front of me. The young man, exposed by the permeated moonlight, was covered with blood, making it impossible to recognize his former self.

As I approached him a little more, he raised his head, perhaps feeling my presence. He tried to open his swollen eyes and eventually succeeded. He raised the corners of his ripped lips and smiled.

“Did you… hear… My call?”

He said every word separately, mixed with heavy intakes of breath. When I thought of the young man who was struggling with his voice, I bit my lips with a stinging pain in my heart. I remembered the poison I had taken before. The insides of my body were hot, bitter, shaken and melted. It felt just like that.

The young man’s body trembled little by little. At that moment, I took a step forward, realized that he was smiling and halted. You laugh? How can you laugh? I’m confused because it looks so incomprehensible.

“you came out… so easily… Yet they said that they had you locked up… and were happy with themselves for it… Without knowing that you’re the one who shut yourself in…”

Is that funny? What’s important about that in this situation? Those words only consumed away the rest of his strength. The young man, coughing as if talking was too much effort, spat out a mouthful of blood. It was a familiar sight.

As I stood still without saying anything, the young man who looked up and stared at me continued.

“So… this is how you must’ve suffered…”

I couldn’t stand it, so I finally opened my mouth.

“I told you you were going to die for me, and I warned you not to get involved anymore.”

“You… you already knew this was gonna happen, right?”

I knew. The future of the young man had been clear since the day he came to find me as a young warrior. So I told him to run away. “Don’t come to me, don’t think of me, live a life that has nothing to do with me.”

Because I’m the reason the young man dies.

However, he ended up dying before my eyes. It was because of me. If it wasn’t for me…

“It’s all right, it’s my choice.”

Why are you making me suffer so much? I was already distressed by you. How hard will it be for me from now on? Just why?

“I had missed you… Thank you for coming to see me.”

The young man was dying for me, but he was thanking me. While panting and frowning with pain, he didn’t erase the smile that came up around his mouth.

“I wish I could live forever. Without leaving your side.”

The young man bowed his head and spoke with difficulty, as if holding back his tears.

“I’m sorry I’ve been selfish to the end… Still… if I were born again, I’d come to see you then. I want to.”

Tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn’t tell how long it’s been since I last shed tears. They were still as hot and damp as I remembered them. I couldn’t bear it because I was suffocating and my heart ached.

“You already knew, didn’t you? That I would come to love you.”

I already knew the young man’s future. So I tried to force him away. I thought it would be like this, too. Light had to drive away darkness, but darkness swallowed it. I tried, but I couldn’t change my destiny.

Destiny was so cruel to me.

“If, if my death could really release the curse, I would die a hundred times over.”

My voice was quivering thinly.

“I know it’s not because of you. So don’t kill yourself anymore. Because I was happy to meet you…”

Why? Why exactly did you take it this far?

I am the witch the world points fingers at, the witch who has taken away the precious person of the young man, and the witch who only has a terrible appearance and stench.

If it is really fate, is this also the deity’s will?

For me and you, the choice didn’t exist from the beginning.

Was the deity able to easily fool the hearts of the young warrior and the witch? Was an existence that I had never felt moving us along the thread of fate?

The faintly smiling young man began to gasp loudly. But soon he jabbed out his last words.

“…I love you.”

At the end of his remark, he stopped breathing. The surroundings were still. Only then did I feel the cool wind, the moonlight that had seeped in. The young man’s time had stopped and it was clear that my time in the future would stop again.

But it was clear to me that my time which has once again stopped, would feel more excruciating than before.

“I already knew, so I tried, but it didn’t work.”

I approached the already quiet young man and said, Even though I already knew there could be no answer, I couldn’t bear it otherwise.

His white hair was dyed red. The white face and eyelashes were also stained with red blood. That wasn’t the red I wanted to see. I wanted to see the brilliant, warm, burning red eyes. The eyes that embraced the light, the sun, hope, love, and brilliant colors.

Human life is fleeting. It crumbles too easily. Even though I knew it well, I wanted to see the dazzling red eyes again, and I regretted that I did not properly look at them before.

I have been trying so hard not to have regrets, and even those efforts were becoming regretful. Now I didn’t know how or what to do in the future.

If this is the deity’s will, then what do you want from me?

I sat down and reached out to the young man. He was still warm. I’m still as I am, but why have you changed so much? Why can’t I change your death, or even follow you in it? I looked around, but there was no one. No one was saddened by the death of the young man.

It was no different from me who had been locked up hoping to die. I was unbearably sad when I thought I would always be this lonely and melancholy.

I eventually fell on the young man’s body and let out an endless stream of tears.